So happy~

My friends gave me today,
and yes,
today's exam is still going on too~

I was so happy while on the way home,
I felt really glad to met them~

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER~

Tmr SPM~

Tomorrow is the day!
The exam which decides your future fate~
=P

Not really fully prepared for that,
many short stories and classic texts haven't finish yet~
I need more time to read those because of having difficulties reading it,
cuz it's BM, omg

Good luck to everyone who's taking SPM 2012 and the future,
all the best~

After this exam, we can do whatever we want already,
by whatever we want I mean, you can study things that you interested in..
and begin the 1st step to your dream...

Worksheets everywhere!

Another 1 more week then exam starts,
subjects teachers keep giving us trial questions from various states around Malaysia and let us practice on which section we're weak at.

Currently having trouble with the mathematics trial worksheet from MARA,
heard most of my classmates saying that they're having trouble while doing this paper.
I almost have 0% of confident while doing this paper after hearing what they said about this paper~
><
But I'm still trying to do it,
many questions skipped, of course.
Tomorrow have maths,
maybe teacher will discuss it in class,
maths lessons is after break-time.
So, will try my best to finish doing all the questions I can in this paper before break-time ends.

SPM Trial results had came out,
but for some reason my father didn't ask for it and let the college have a look at my results.
*sad*
I'm not really sure whether I can get at least 3 credits for my SPM or not,
really, really have no idea~

Current Desktop: Kuroko no Basuke

Kinda obsessed with Kuroko no Basuke recently...
xD

Well,
was half studying during weekends,
really cannot concentrate 1OO% during my revision ><

Now listening:
One thing and What makes you beautiful by One Direction. 

SPM Trial coming soon!

I heard that lots of schools already start their trials for SPM,
they have many trials where we have only one.

Teachers getting very tension as the days passed by,
tomorrow is the last day of having lesson before the trials which start at Wednesday.
Not really prepared for it but,
I'll try my best to answer the questions given.

My mom always asked me,
"Trials are coming, why you still so relax?",
things like that.

Bahasa Malaysia I'll just focus on paper 1,
which got rumusan (summary), komsas (literature) and stuff...
gonna doomed at paper 2 because is essay!
Not really good at writing essay with bahasa Malaysia.

Art theory, maybe will try to revise the textbook at once before the exam starts.
One of my best friend said that the textbook are missing out a lot of things which the question paper will ask.
Not really focus on that subject...

Slowly become hopeless~
just before the trials start,
argh...
What should I do~
=(

Have to boost up my grammar...

Scholastic guide to Grammar by Marvin Terban.

Have to boost up my grammar knowledge because I feel that my English is getting very weak right now.
Hope I can have enough time to finish this and go study other subjects like Business and History just before exam arrived~

Having serious problem..

Feel like hopeless right now,
just saw one of my friend who tweeted 8 weeks for trial on Twitter,
I'm getting even more nervous ady~

Just now after came back from school I force myself to study and do past years exercises,
while at Maths,
I'm stuck at one of the question / lessons which teacher taught us before.
And trial is getting near,
there's no time for relaxing now,
have to arrange time and study, doing revisions.

But I just don't know how or what to do~
was planning to go to my friend's house and ask her questions and ask her to teach subjects that I'm weak in.
Have to ask her and my mom's permission for doing that,
since I have no tuition at all and doesn't really ask questions in class.
(No tuition because my mom really exhausted after fetching all my sisters to here and there almost everyday.)

Hope they accepts and hope that I have enough time to get ready before trial comes!

Due date is tomorrow...

Tomorrow Friday is the due date of passing up art folios!
I need to sketch some tiny little things, arranged in order then finished.
(I hope teacher doesn't have anything need to add in afterwards, too annoying!)

Hope that I can finished it faster~

Yesterday just ordered Scholastic's books,
have to wait until it arrived!
I feel like cannot wait anymore,
lol~

Sunday Shopping...

So happy to see that the new sequel of the book that I wanted so badly is selling @ the book store!!
And,
for the 1st time,
I saw whole bunch of the goods of it still putting here according to the photo shown
and haven't displayed on the shelf yet...

Latest and new!

Had Chatime before going to Japan..

My favourite!
On Friday will have to go to the airport ady...
Hope everything will be just fine over there..
=)

The reason why I doesn't like to have breakfast with...

I've finally realize why am I so afraid of going downstairs and have breakfast with my parents during holidays,
it's because of my father was there.

And the presence of him will making me realize the problems that we're facing,
reality is cruel.
Because of him,
our own happiness got ruined.

We're facing money problem almost every time,
and yet he still gave money to that bitch even we're so poor.

I'm sorry to say it but,
I know I can't say my father like that..
BUT,
doesn't he realize so many problems we're facing now?
We're the one who really in need of money,
but why he still doing the same thing?
giving that bitch money instead of us?

I need to get a job but have to prepare for facing my parents first,
maybe they'll ignore but,
really have no idea already..
I feel useless!
I need them to know that if want more money, we have to go earn it of course...
and I don't even know what job my father doing for 17 years,
for sure it is a private matter which cannot let the government know.
I'm really admire my friends' parents,
at least their parents' job is approved by the government,
and have a peaceful life where no problems happening around..

I don't know why my father so smart but yet very blur,
I started to realize that 17 years (or more, maybe)!!
Still not getting better.
Don't have a peaceful and permanent shelter that we can stay,
I don't know my father got think about this or not,
we don't have a nice and peace shelter to live,
and yet,
he still can ignore that seriously big problem and go wandering around outside with that bitch.

The moment I graduate in college,
I must leave this house and get my own life which I didn't experienced before in my childhood.
I'll send them money of course,
isn't that a MUST to do for us to reward back our family? 

I used the remaining materials and made this...

After finish the practical part of the art folio,
I still have remaining materials left for nothing.
So I just made it yesterday night,
still not sure what name should I gave him..

I'm not really good at sewing but,
it's for my own fun lol~
if I left it unused then it'll be such a waste :(

Skipped school today

Because just finished the practical part of the art folio,
so I was planning to calm myself down by skipping one day of school.

And by skipping this day,
I can also finish up my homework that teacher gave within this week or last week.

I'm so happy that I've finally finish half part of the art folio~
=)

1st time cooking!!

Sneak into the kitchen while my family not in house,
they're out for having dinner with my relatives.

I was so nervous at the whole process of it,
I took it from cup noodle,
after studying the difference between the ingredients of packed noodle and cup noodle.

The noodle was very soft,
it taste awesome~

Are they even listening?

When I have my own choice,
I told them what my choice is and they just ignored.
They started to decide them for me by their own
and
they ask me must have my decision or whatever...

But I already have my own!
I feel so depressed~

I bet they never take it seriously when I told them which college that I wish to go,
they love to make their own decisions MOST of the time,
like the people who going to college is THEM not me...

What should I do?
with such a parents who never listen how I think or feel..

What am I living for?

I mean,
SERIOUSLY!

They didn't even try to listen to me,
next time,
I swear,
that I don't want to go outside with them ANYMORE!

I want to be alone by myself,
so that nobody can hurt my feelings.
Next time they ask me something I just ignore them and let them say whatever they want.
They doesn't feel pain at all but myself.

I have to stop crying,
but my tears just won't stop....

SPM Motivational Camp 2012

We form a team and do crazy activities while learning in the motivational camp,
after 12:30 p.m,
me and my friend,
Sandy, who wish to dismiss earlier than the normal time,
because nobody will be fetching her at 5 o'clock.

I wish to dismiss earlier because part of my reason is,
I wanted to go home and have a nap,
another part of my reason is,
nobody is going to listen the motivational camp with me.
Just because I'm not really familiar with the other people.

Teacher won't let us just go that easily,
we have to explain our reason and then Sandy got annoyed, really annoyed.
I gave up and she said that teacher letting her dismiss earlier at 3:30 p.m.

After lunch, we formed a new team again.
This time, I wasn't with Sandy because she got chosen by other groups.
I just simply go into a team which is lots of girls.
And then I sat beside Kaito,
I don't know why he's in the same team with me but not with his friends,
I'm still glad that he's there.

Because in the new team,
I've none of the people who can really talk with.

Still have works to do...

The photo on top is one of the page from my homework journal,
still have many of them have to complete..
:(

And then, have to do other works like,
the art folio and searching points for debate next week, which is English Week in our school.

I don't know why the debate teacher choose me,
I doesn't know how to argue with someone's points if the topic is not in my interests.
And, during debating,
you have to decide which points you want by your own, nobody will help you.
I'm weak in that.

Maybe the teacher is new,
so he doesn't know how puny am I...

I hope teacher will change his mind before the debate starts~
PLEASE!
>.<

Current Desktop 2... :D

so this is my current desktop right now,
the background is from the anime called Lovely Complex..

Rocketdock with VOCALOID head icons,
the cute head icons is requested to TheBlackListProject from me..
:)

Rushing times...

Myself in IOI mall,
was summoned there by my mom,
who is very busy playing bowling.

I have to walk to there by using the bridge and all that,
thank god that I'm safe.. :)

After that have to rushing for finishing the whole stuffs which is normally happened during after school.

Now reading: Pawana Rindu

The comic on top is by NANAJIMA Kana.

I see that this book got 161 "Likes" on Facebook,
not yet read through inside,
but hope that the stories inside is awesome.

Happy White Valentines' Day!

Today is 14th of March,
which is White Valentines' Day!

Nothing special happen.. :(
I'm still the same, sitting in my room, doing art folio or read the novel...

New Keyboard!!

My father bought me a new keyboard yesterday,
but the size of the keyboard is... kinda big compare to my laptop.

But, is better than nothing..
So I'll just use it when there's emergency like need to translate stuffs or typing essays or even passwords..

Now reading..

The Kneebone Boy by Ellen Potter,
just got it from school so I have books to read now!

My friend bought the same book as me,
I'm so happy because we can discuss about the story and characters inside the story.
Maybe by using that,
I can even more enjoy reading.

My personal fav seiyuu..

Yup,
it's Nobuhiko Okamoto!
I didn't realize that I've already obsessed with his voice roles in anime...
@@

Maybe he'll be no. 1 of my choice of anime? LOL!

I just saw somebody posted these photos about the voice actors of Tiger & Bunny,
and I saw him with this photo!!
so awesome x3

I'm so depressed..

I was trying so hard to find for a space in Cookery Club in my school,
but then,
because I gave them the letter from art teacher which is informing them about the art folio.
I shouldn't have pass it to them.

Because,
my mom thought like you're taking art,
so you're planning to or going to become an artist..
And she just simply said that I've gave up on my dreams and started a new 1,
I was saying nothing and just faster ate my dinner,
my mood for dinner that day was spoiled.

I cried while I was all alone in my room,
I'm so disappointed with my parents,
I was trying so hard to search for a chance for joining in Cookery Club,
and they thought that I've given up just because I'm in Arts.

Art not only for the person who want to become an artist,
there still many things that need arts for creativity.
I just don't want to wasting my time to explain to them,

I'm afraid that my eyes will just burst into tears,
my mom surely will try to find something negative to reply back to my explanation,
I just, don't want to get even hurt by their words anymore.

I don't have any fucking idea on why my mom doesn't like me, myself become a chef or even a baker.
If she doesn't like, just tell me straight forward that she doesn't like la!
For what keeping insulting it and making so many wounds in my heart,
At least she can say a reason on why she doesn't like and then maybe I'll understands it and not ending up like so many wounds that won't heal easily.

They don't believe me.
For first time,
I'm doing things without following my parents sayings,
I'm just, alone on this path..
without anybody to rely on.
Only myself....

Bought 2 graphic novels yesterday..

And then today I go to the website and search for the ratings of these two new graphic novels which I've bought yesterday.

The one left side have 70 likes!
I was surprised..

The one right side got 291 likes,
can'r believe is THAT nice..
looking forward to it
<3

My art folio's cover..

I don't know teacher will allow me to design like this but she did say we can design anything we want, right?

So I just have to search for a stamp pad and then I'm done..

Hope teacher will accept it! ><
I almost spend my whole day on this 

got bite by mosquito..

the red area bulge,
and so itchy..

this happened during yesterday sports training / practice,
I was wearing skirt while marching,
because I didn't bring my sports attire..

Not forgotten but the sports attire had gone to a bath,
because it's haven't gone to bath for 2 days!
got sweat almost every time I march at the field,
it smells stink!
>.<

got forced by my friend for accompany her during marching,
because she want to be FAIR...
-.-

Like, you can't use other things to repay her FAIR-ness,
goddammit..

my skin getting even more darker than before..
:(

I can't believe that I'm one of them...

During Malay lessons,
teacher most of the time ask us to do some essay which is related to Family Institution,
or maybe Gangsterism and Vandalism.

All of them are related to families problems that cause these stuffs happening around..
I'm really very hard to believe that I'm one of them,
just because my parents are busy working outside...
They just simply took us for dinner and finish all our daily needs and just rush out the house and gone to somewhere for work.

I only started to realize this during this year,
even it had happened long time ago,
but I have no idea why I didn't realize it earlier...

I started to realize slowly that my parents are as same as what the essays said,
that the parents didn't spend more time with their children.

I was wondering,
maybe teacher asking us to do these related essays is to tell me to accept the reality of life, or even my family.

I felt even more lonely than before,
I kept listen to musics to prevent myself from thinking about the reality of my life.
It works sometimes,
that I got drunk in musics....

It's really sad and lonely to knew that...
What should I do??
or
What can I do??

I was planning to move out after I had enough money for renting or even buying house outside,
doesn't feel like staying here with them.

It makes me even more lonely and terrified of these thoughts happening around in my mind,
I started to hate money more than I expected,
even I have to save it for surviving in this world,
money took away lots of stuffs from me.

My happiness, my relatives, the truths...
But what can I do....
things had changed now,
I can't even rebel something about it..

Current desktop..

So yeah,
this is my current desktop..
somebody from somewhere designed Kaito from Imatation Black rainmeter!
So nice... <3

Uhm,
the desktop is kinda messy so..
oops :P

Sigh...

Today's Malay class' homework,
essay!

I used Google Translate and do some research related to citizen unite or something,
blah blah blah...

and then I gathered all of them and combine them together into one essay..
I'm not really good at Malay language, you know...

:(